


Voldemort's Back

by mmmdraco



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, songfilk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-16
Updated: 2012-07-16
Packaged: 2017-11-10 02:31:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/461280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmmdraco/pseuds/mmmdraco
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Harry Potter version of Sir Mix-a-Lot's Baby Got Back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Voldemort's Back

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine.

~Talking~  
Oh my God, Harry,   
You-Know-Who's back.   
I feel so sick.  
He looks like one of those Death Eaters' coatstands.  
Ugh, but who understands those Death Eaters?  
They only worship him because he put them under Imperius, 'kay?  
I mean, his eyes! They're just so - red!  
I can't believe they're so flat, like he's a snake.  
I mean - it's evil.  
Look, he's just a freak.

~Rap~  
I hate Dark Lords and I cannot lie  
You Weasley brothers can't deny  
That when Voldie walks in with his wand in your face  
And a curse put into place  
You get mad  
Wanna slap that cad  
'Cause you noticed that You-Know-Who  
Deep in the things he's planning  
There's a whole lot of people he's scaring.  
Voldemort, I want to defeat you   
Make it completely.  
And though he tries to harm me,  
Well, with that scar I got  
It serves to warn me.  
Ooo, lightning-shaped skin  
You hurt in Divination,  
Excuse me, don't use me,  
'Cause Trelawney's kinda goofy.

I've seen her trancing,   
To hell with her glancing!  
You're no threat, pet,  
Though I know you haven't gone yet.

I'm tired of magazines  
Saying curse scars are the thing.  
Take the average wizard and ask him that;  
He's scared that Voldie's back.

So, wizards! (Yeah!)  
Wizards! (Yeah!)  
Do you think the Dark Lord's back? (Hell yeah!)  
Time to fight him! (Fight him!)  
Fight him! (Fight him!)  
Fight that evil Lord!  
Voldemort's back!

(Muggle face with a pureblood standing)

Voldemort's back!

(Muggle face with a pureblood standing)

I like him down and out  
And when he comes about  
I just can't help myself, I ain't a coward  
I got his power  
He broke in my home,  
And bam! Death curse, bam, bam!  
I ain't talkin' 'bout Malfoy,  
'Cos Lucius' just one of Voldie's toys.

\---[I want that Triwizard Cup  
Before Sirius has some pups  
Is Harry P. in trouble,  
Lookin' out for Voldemort's rebels?]---

So I'm lookin' at Witch Weekly mag  
Rita Skeeter's makin' me mad  
You can have that old hag  
I'll keep my Patronus: a stag.  
A word to my wise Headmaster  
I wanna learn faster  
I wanna stop that bastard  
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna --  
Till Voldemort's gone  
Potter's got it goin' on  
I know Snape won't like this song  
'Cuz that punk likes to take off points  
For everything I say  
'Cuz I'm a Gryff, and I miff  
Everyone in the House of Slyth

So, witches! (Yeah!)  
Witches! (Yeah!)  
You wanna honor Dumbledore's wishes? (Yeah!)  
Then grab your wand, stick it out,  
Even McGonagall's gotta shout,  
Voldemort's back!

Voldemort's back!

Yeah, Hermione.  
When it comes to House Elves  
Winky ain't got nothin to do with my selection  
Society for the Protection of Elfish Welfare?  
Haha - only if it's Dobby!

So your Dark Lord's name was Riddle  
Of being Prefect he thought little  
But little don't stop a megalomaniac Riddle!  
Ron's sister says she don't want none unless you've got SCAR, hun  
You can recruit Crabbe and Goyle, but please don't take my Ron

His brothers may play that "hah!" role   
And tell you that their bro can go  
But if they'd toss him and leave him  
I'd pull up quick to retrieve him.  
So The Prophet says He's dead  
That ain't it to my head  
'Cause my scar, it hurts when Voldemort's kickin  
And I'm thinkin' 'bout nickin'  
Food from the elves in the school kitchen  
It won't be missin'.

Give me a wand with phoenix feather  
I can only defeat that Dark Lord better.  
Some idiot tried to hiss  
'Cause Parseltongue's my gift.  
I got it when he chose to hit me  
When Mom gave it all to be with me.  
So, people, if you want to win  
Don't put your stock in Fudge's rantin'  
Dial 1-900-4POTTER, I'll kick that nasty hack,  
Voldemort's back

(Riddle's here in town 'cause the Dark Lord's back)  
(Riddle's here in town 'cause the Dark Lord's back)  
(Riddle's here in town 'cause the Dark Lord's back)  
(Riddle's here in town 'cause the Dark Lord's back)


End file.
